Um so I made a tophia religion like I promised

ALL ABOUT CHUISM:
Chuism is a religion based around TophiaChu and her holy family. Mamachu and papachu are our divine creators and tophiachu and brotherchu are their human creations. The aim of every Chuist is to become one with tophiachu/brotherchu (depending on gender). This means adopting the same lifestyle, routine, and thought process of tophiachu/brotherchu.

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Holy figures in Chuism ranked from highest to lowest:
“DIVINE” RANKS:
Mamachu + papachu = divine creators
Tophiachu = the female god of Chuism
Brotherchu = the male god of Chuism
Hershey (rip), “the kitten” and roachchu
= sacred animals
Doordash workers = holy figures; being ranked as a “doordash driver” is a long and complicated process, but pays off as you are able to serve Tophiachu.
BTS = Tophiachu’s favourite singers.
Every Asian man = Tophiachu views Asian men as superior.

“UNHOLY” RANKS:
Shawtybae = a demon.
Every member of the discord =
shawtybae’s minions.
Every member of the Reddit = again, shawtybae’s minions.

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The rules of Chuism:
- Bathing up to 3 times per annum is strictly forbidden.
- There MUST be a green tape cross in every room in your house/apartment/motel/hotel room. This is to remind you that the chus are always watching over you and as a reminder to always obey the rules of Chuism.
- Talking any good about “s*awtybae” (Chuisms devil) is strictly forbidden.
- P*rnography is strictly forbidden unless it is of gay Asian people between the ages of 18-19.
- STRICTLY no handwashing, it is forbidden
- Drinking water unless it is Mountain Dew or an ingredient in a drink with a %50+ sugar content. This is a sin punishable by banishment to shawtybae.
- EVERY Chuist above the age of 18 must have a rosetoy, reguardless of gender. You will find a use for it somehow.

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Holy/sacred items in Chuism:
– Mickeychu: mickeychu is a sacred painting
done by Tophiachu.
– Anything to do with Mountain Dew
- 5 layer burritos
- Tophiachus sacred rosetoy
- Papachus green tape
- Tophiachu’s makeup kit(s)

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How Chuist’s worship the chu family:

Every chuist is required to make a pilgrimage to every motel 6 in Albuquerque, New Mexico, they are expected to walk on a pre set route finishing the pilgrimage at the Chus infamous apartment, where they can quench their thirst from the motel 6 pilgrimage with the free flowing Mountain Dew at the Mountain Dew well.

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How do I become a Chuist?

You need to be fluent in Chuish, that is the only requirement to become a Chuist!

If you really want to become a Chuist, you need to recite the following sentence:

“I promise with my heart and soul to devote my life to becoming one with Tophiachu/Brotherchu and I thank Mamachu and Papachu with all my heart for granting me this wonderful opportunity. I vow to not break any rules nor commit any sin within Chuism.”

Congratulations! You are now a Chuist!

(Pls don’t take this srsly lolz)

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