Nuance is needed.
I’m fully aware that she’s a bad person; we all are, and that’s why we’re all here. However, she just endured an event that will change the trajectory of her life. If you haven’t gone through grief, put your biases against her on the back burner for now. Even if you have gone through grief, still—I highly recommend it. Grief in itself is traumatizing; your brain stops processing things like it did before. You’re scattered, panicked, depressed, scared, etc. It can be different for everyone, but her grief is going to ruin her for the rest of her life. This is something beyond just losing a loved one.
It doesn’t surprise me that she’s worried about money—GENUINELY, who wouldn’t be? Imagine being homeless, and the only person providing income was just murdered in front of you. Your car, your home, has been totaled. Your mother is in the hospital and you likely don’t have insurance.
Do i think she needs to get off of her ass and get a job now more than ever? Fucking absolutely. There is no doubt about it; this NEEDS to be the wake-up call we’ve all been waiting for. But the debates over her character while her brother isn’t even cold in his grave yet is obnoxious, I’m sorry. Let’s not act like vultures for once. If you work, or have any affiliation with the real world and not just reddit, you know that things are exceptionally difficult right now economy-wise. She DOES need to worry about money more than ever because of the circumstances. Is she trustworthy? No, she isn’t; she’s given no reason to trust her. I still don’t trust her, but that’s why I’m not going to be donating to her personally. We ALL know that she’s not trustworthy, it doesn’t need to be repeated. We’re not the harbingers of justice, sadly, just people on the internet. If she doesn’t want to change her life after this, that’s on her. But for right now, let’s just… not. 😅 Don’t donate, donate… do whatever, let’s just keep the discussions cordial and respectful for now.
Archived Comments
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Which is just absolutely insane to me… what do you mean her update isn’t what you expected? 😅 She does not owe us an update on her mother; there’s a chance she doesn’t even have an update yet. Hospitals are slow as hell. If she’s stable, there is likely nothing to update.
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Exactly and it’s like yeah if people are sending me money and I’m not getting it I’m gonna make sure i get it 😭
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Like, she actually does need it. Even if she is a POS, why do you want someone to starve and be homeless so badly? Personally, let her milk this if that’s the case (which I don’t think she is really milking it. not yet, anyway). Imagine having nobody left to talk to and something like that just happened. I would also turn to the internet just to feel less alone, but she’s also in a situation where money is actually crucial. There is nuance to her situation, and the nuance does include her being a bad person, but the echo chamber is crazy.
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Right. That’s why I’m hoping this unfortunate situation will expose her to professionals who can put her on the right track, a nice steady job and a place for her and her mom to live.
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Unfortunately, I doubt she will change, unless she receives state-paid professional mental help. She is addicted to misfortune and her own misery, and even more addicted to the unhealthy ways she copes with it. She needs SERIOUS intervention, and it’s not something she’ll seek on her own accord, I don’t think. But we can hope.
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Regardless of any resources I may have to help her and her mother, I don’t agree with people donating money to her. The reality is, she’s completely irresponsible and prioritizes her wants over her needs.
If anyone has resources in the Albuquerque, New Mexico area that could support her and her family, please try to get them to her or someone close to them. There are plenty of resources available that she could take advantage of, and hopefully, she’ll also use this time to look into job placement programs—because let’s be real, making $400 a month from livestreaming all day isn’t exactly sustainable.
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I agree wholeheartedly. The money shouldn’t be in her hands, not just because of her track record, but the grieving will likely skyrocket her spending if she had the money directly. Anything to feel better; she already clearly has a shopping addiction.
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I’m not a fan of this community using grief as an excuse to backtrack on what we already know to be true—she is incapable of taking care of her mother, and she’s never going to take responsibility for what she needs to do versus what she wants to do. Her brother’s tragic passing doesn’t erase the fact that she has repeatedly scammed her supporters through fundraisers and Cash App schemes, making just enough money to buy things she doesn’t need instead of securing a stable home.
Even though her brother was employed, he also had terrible priorities, which is why neither of them were in a position to properly care for their elderly mother or mentally ill father. At this point, both of them need to be in the care of the state—unless there’s a relative willing and able to take them in.
This tragedy shouldn’t be used as a way to excuse her past behavior or pretend it never happened. Trauma doesn’t suddenly change who a person is. We have to acknowledge what she will do based on her track record, not what we hope she’ll do just because of what she’s going through now.
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Trauma DOES change people, but I fear she’ll change for worse. I’ve already established that I agree with everything being said; she is a terrible person with terrible priorities. Her mother needs to be under literally anybody else’s care, but can you really blame her for being scared? Yes, she shot herself in the foot, and she wouldn’t be in this position if she had a job and got offline, but we literally all know that. If she doesn’t want to change, then she will see after this entire ordeal just how much she fucked herself over. That is for her to fuck around and find out with.
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I completely agree that this kind of experience changes people—but in her case, it’s likely just going to make things worse as you stated. That’s why I still don’t think anyone should be sending her or her mother money, especially since she probably has access to her mother’s PayPal account. The best way to help would be to focus on getting her mother into an assisted living facility where she can get proper care.
If people want to donate toward her brother’s funeral expenses, that’s understandable, but they should also know that in some cases, the state covers funeral costs for those who can’t afford it—usually through free cremation services and an urn. Not every state does this, but it’s worth looking into before sending money blindly.
I know people will still donate to her mother’s PayPal and the GoFundMe for her brother, but honestly, the priority should be finding resources to get her mother placed into care as soon as possible—preferably straight from the hospital, rather than back into Tophia’s hands. As for Tophia, she should be placed in a shelter for now, and after that, it’s on her to figure things out.
At the end of the day, the community, her family, and her friends can’t keep carrying her. She’s 30 years old—more than old enough to get a job and take responsibility for her life. If she refuses to change, even after this traumatic event, then nothing will be different. She’ll still be on the streets, and everything will continue just as before.
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Agreed, and well said!
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I totally agree with you on that.Time for her to ADULT UP!!Aint nobody gonna carry that weight
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That. Why are “influencers” entitled to ask for money when something like that happens. Every country provides some sort of resources to less fortunate people, especially homeless people, like you mentioned free cremation. She then can go to a shelter like any other homeless person and ask for her mother to be taken to an elderly homeless shelter. It just always rubs me the wrong way that us normal folks do anything other than internet begging to help with finances but because someone has an online presence, they are entitled to free handouts. I don’t trust tophia with money, I would only donate to Donald’s friends.
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You have every right to refuse to give her money or trust her, especially considering her track record of squandering funds. Let’s not forget—she was given a large sum of money through a fundraiser to help keep her family off the streets, and instead of using it wisely, she took that money, went to a convention, and spoiled herself while getting evicted. Like… come on.
At the end of the day, we are not responsible for other people’s lifestyles. Any donations or gifts they receive should be met with gratitude, not entitlement. And honestly, some people will still donate their last dollar to folks like this, which is just… wild to me. As for that GoFundMe her friends put together? Yeah, I wouldn’t give a dime. If people really want to help, they should look into community resources or state programs that can provide real assistance—without having to drain their own wallets.
We all have jobs—well, most of us do—and we have our own bills to worry about. There’s no reason we should be funding someone else’s lifestyle just because they think they’re entitled to other people’s money.
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The biggest issue I have with this whole situation is that it won’t be a wake-up call for her. If anything, it’s just another opportunity to gain sympathy and collect more donations. In her latest Instagram update, she was already trying to run that Cash App scam again—SMH. She’s never going to take responsibility for what she should do because she’s too focused on doing whatever she wants to do. At this rate, no amount of reality or tragedy is going to change that, and honestly, she’ll probably end up a ward of the state before long.
The other major concern is her mother—she needs to be in an assisted living facility where she can get proper care, not living in a car under Tophia’s “care.” Hopefully, someone steps up and advocates for Marie to be placed somewhere stable, where she can receive the medical attention and support she needs. She deserves to live out the rest of her days with dignity and consistency—not struggling in the backseat of a poorly spray-painted car on the streets of Albuquerque.
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The money the gofundme is getting that his friends started should ONLY go towards a funeral, the burial, and a headstone imo. If a gofundme is needed for her mother’s medical bills, the friends should also handle all of that. No money should enter Tophia’s hands for a while. She isn’t trustworthy, especially now that she’s grieving. We all do things while we grieve, I spent every penny I had on useless stuff because I refused to grieve over the loss of my mother. And I feel she would do the same.
I pray for her mother’s recovery. I pray she is going to be able to grieve in peace.
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Ask yourself, Why was Brotherchu the sole provider?
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Money should be directly put into a motel or an apartment stop sending her money directly. She will end back up in the streets with her mother!
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Problem is finding one that will take her and they always refuse to leave Albuquerque.
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That will be the hard part. Unfortunately
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Or, like, y’all can have empathy and sympathy and support her if you want and let the rest of us that don’t feel the same way carry on.
We all don’t have to be on the same page, ya know
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sooo...I'm not a regular here. But I'm still going to say, I'm quite surprised to see how many people are here who clearly have the brains of elementary school children. Other lolcow subs, you generally get the impression that you are surrounded by adults. But the way people have been denoucing Tophia and making a point to remind everyone, *hey, remember ALL the bad things*...like this incident was karma, and that we should all be focused on what Tophia DIDN'T do to prevent this.
just...holy shit. Her brother JUST died. The car they were living in was destroyed and likely can't run anymore. There is a time and a place for such discussions. A DAY AFTER THE DEATH WAS CONFIRMED? Get the fuck outta here.
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Because this community is/was fueled by TikTok, the genesis of anti-intellectualism. It wouldn’t surprise me if most of the people here were young and have minimal experience in the real world, or if they’re similar to Tophia and need somewhere to project to feel better about themselves. New-age lolcow culture is just… I don’t know how to describe it. It is fueled by pretentious morality and hypocrisy.
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I wouldn't say it's pretentious. I would say it's conditional. And very inconsistent. With lots of goal post moving. And VERY indicative of someone who is only interested in being an internet troll.
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your brain… 🧠🤌
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I know that she is able bodied but there is no way that she can mentally and physically work right now. Funerals are time consuming and mentally taxing. She’s not in the best mindset. How would she get to work? She doesn’t have a place to stay. Her home was totaled. Her mom is in the hospital as well, and they probably don’t have insurance. That’s easily thousands of dollars in medical bills. She has no credit. She can’t get an apartment anytime soon. And section 8 can take years. I get people’s hesitation to donate to her because she is bad with money, but she really does need some sort of income/support right now.
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Thank you!! I feel like so many people here just want to justify being cruel. You can dislike someone and also not want them to suffer!!
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She doesn’t want to rent anymore and will not rent anymore
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I agree, and I see both perspectives. Tophia's been bad with money. Hell, the whole family is bad with money. So I understand why people are apprehensive about giving her money. I'm not giving money directly to her either because I don't think it'll go towards anything substantial.
But she also went through one of the most traumatic things someone could ever go through. People are jumping down her throat because her update is not "what they expected." Like we all know how she is, but damn can we let her get her bearings first.